Guys, I just don’t even know what to do anymore!
This probably isn’t what some of you were hoping for, but I figured some form of expression was better than none. I can also assure you that there are a couple of people who will relish in the idea of me struggling.
Small minds and all that…
ON TO THE POINT!
Do I want to get back to work and see all your lovely faces? FUCK YES!
Do I know when, or even how that might work? NOPE!
I may have a few vague ideas as to what a return would look like for me, but nothing that feels right enough to go ahead with and it’s driving me a little mental. Ideally, I would go back to what I was doing; seeing just my favourite clients and focusing on pole dancing classes. I’ve got the pole dancing classes back, thank fuuuuck, but that’s only about 10 hours a week out of 168. To be fair there’s a good 60 hours spent sleeping, and tens of hours doing other human things like eating and showering. So I’m left with around 60 hours a week in which I could be doing something, anything! But I’m not! Why? Because who says that I have to be constantly working or doing menial shit to feel like a productive member of society. Some guy? FUCK that guy! Actually, I can’t so he’ll just have to go fuck himself!
Poor me! I feel like I don’t have a purpose right now other than dancing and getting fit as fuck…
I think this back and forth routine change has thrown me for a loop. Just as I had come to terms with life being a certain way, thing’s changed again and oh there she goes down the long path of adjustment again… This all seems so self indulgent, complaining about my problems like this. Me, me, meeeeeeee! But really, that’s all I have to say right now. I’m bored, and even my hobbies are arduous while my brain tries to deal with this crap.
Maybe soon there will be some solid news of being able to actually operate without worrying about the safety of myself and my clients. Until then, I’ll spend my 10 hours a week doing pole classes while I continue to ponder a way for me to work in a way that feels safe during these times. It shouldn’t take me much longer… right?!