Actually, yes please!
Why I’ve changed my views about being an Independent Escort.
In the past, before working independently, I wrote a blog post stating that I wasn’t interested in working on my own. At the time I loved the support, friendships, and safety it provided me. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss it a little. In saying that, life has a habit of throwing us a curve ball and we end up in circumstances we never anticipated. I never imagined that I’d be working independently. I never imagined that my life would be turned upside down, inside out, and round and round. Yet here we are. I survived, and have gained new insights of what works for me.
With each unexpected turn of events comes a silver lining. A lesson to be learnt, a chance at self discovery, and an opportunity to start again. It isn’t easy to move forward when you invest so much of yourself in to something, especially when there are beautiful connections made along the way. Life isn’t fair, or just, and we cannot expect people to always be a part of our lives. Sometimes even the closest of bonds will break, even if we thought that they never would. It’s heartbreaking, but also bittersweet. It took me a long time to feel okay with leaving the past behind me. Sudden change that’s out of my control, and separation from those I care about is something I struggle with. I see the hard lessons in that experience and have evolved so much that the past no longer reflects who I am today. I’ve grown in to myself, and have no plans of getting too comfortable.
To get back on track, Independent work is something that I’ve come to love. Working with an agency no long suits me. I realise that I have changed, and that I prefer having direct contact with my clients. I love having the creative freedom to express myself in a ways that feel true to me, without the concern of disrupting someones business or image. I am now comfortable with embracing my inner ‘control freak’, and have learnt that I am much more capable than I ever thought possible. I may not run my business in a way that some believe is ideal, or the ‘right way’, and have had many moments of worry regarding what other’s may say. People will talk, and say what they will, but I cannot control that. All I can do is my best and keep learning to be the best I can be, even if my best isn’t what others envision.
It’s a never ending journey; one I am both excited and endlessly curious for.
Don’t get me wrong, I know how bloody lucky I am to be in this position. To put it lightly, I’m extremely fucking privileged. My five and a half years with the agency awarded me with many kind-hearted and supportive clients of whom are still a part of my life to this day. I didn’t have to put in the arduous administrative work that many do to make this happen. Instead, I chose to pay someone to do so and it was the best thing I could have done. I have no regrets of ever working with an agency. Of course there’s a pang of guilt at times, feeling as if I had ‘stolen’ clients, however I don’t believe this to be true. During a booking I put all of myself in to ensuring that my clients wish to continue to see me. That was my time too shine, and still is to this day. They wouldn’t have got in contact if they didn’t believe I was capable of handling it on my own.
I remember saying in my past blog post that I didn’t wish to use my spare time or energy to deal with calls, advertising, and promoting myself. As it turns out, I actually love it!
Maybe it’s because it’s 100% my own business now, and I feel a greater sense of pride for my work.
Maybe it’s because I have set my own boundaries regarding time spent with administrative tasks.
Maybe it’s because I am mostly in contact with client’s I have met many times before.
Maybe it’s because I still have the love and support of friends made in the industry.
Maybe it’s because I now have the energy to do all of this, as I work much better on my own.
Only time will tell how I will feel about this in the future. I hold no more guilt about my ever changing nature, and am finding that being true to myself is awarding me with more opportunity. I still have a lot to learn, and a long way to go in this never-ending journey. I accept that there are to be many more hurdles along the way.
Mostly, I forever keep in mind this saying: Everything is temporary.